The Impact of Social Bullying on Mental Health

Social bullying can be harder to name than other forms of bullying.

There might not be any obvious physical threat. No single dramatic incident. No clear moment where everything changes. Instead, it often happens through exclusion, humiliation, gossip, subtle put-downs, social manipulation, online shaming, or being made to feel invisible within a group.

And because it can be quiet, it tends to get minimised.

People might tell themselves they’re being too sensitive. They may hear comments like “just ignore it”, “don’t let it bother you”, or “that’s just how people are”. But for the person experiencing it, social bullying can be deeply painful. It can affect self-worth, trust, mood, anxiety, relationships, and the way someone sees themselves for years afterwards.

The impact of social bullying on mental health shouldn’t be underestimated. Human beings are wired for connection; when that connection is used as a weapon, the effects can run deep.

What is Social Bullying?

Social bullying is behaviour designed to damage a person’s relationships, social standing or sense of belonging. It could involve deliberately leaving someone out, spreading rumours, encouraging others to reject them, mocking them publicly, giving them the silent treatment, or making them feel like they’re always on the outside of the group.

In childhood or adolescence, this might happen at school, in friendship groups, sports teams or online spaces. In adulthood, it can show up in workplaces, families, social circles, parenting groups, community settings, or even professional environments.

Social bullying can be overt, but it’s often subtle. A person might not be directly insulted, but they’re repeatedly excluded. They may not be openly attacked, but they can sense the shift when they walk into a room. They may be spoken about rather than spoken to. They may be included just enough to doubt themselves, but not enough to feel safe.

That uncertainty can be especially damaging. When bullying is ambiguous, people often turn the blame inward. They start asking, “What’s wrong with me?” rather than “Why am I being treated this way?”.

Why Social Bullying Hurts So Much

Some people assume social bullying is less serious than physical bullying, but in reality, the emotional injuries can be long-lasting. Being rejected or excluded activates some of our deepest fears. We all need belonging, acceptance and emotional safety. When those needs are threatened, it can feel destabilising, even if the person experiencing it appears calm on the outside.

Social bullying often targets a person’s identity; it can make them feel unwanted, defective, embarrassing, weak, different or unworthy of inclusion. Over time, these experiences can become internalised, and the person may begin to believe the story being told about them.

They may stop putting themselves forward, become hyperaware of social cues, replay conversations, scan for signs of rejection, or avoid groups altogether. They may become more compliant, more self-critical, or more desperate to please others. This is one of the most painful parts of social bullying: it doesn’t just affect what happens in the moment… it can change how a person moves through the world.

The Mental Health Effects of Social Bullying

The impact of social bullying on mental health can appear in different ways depending on the person, their age, their support system and their previous experiences.

Some people develop anxiety (especially in social situations), worrying about being judged, laughed at, left out or misunderstood. Others experience depression, low motivation, hopelessness or emotional withdrawal. Some become angry or irritable, while others turn their distress inward and blame themselves.

Social bullying can also contribute to:

• Low self-esteem
• Shame and self-criticism
• Loneliness and isolation
• Difficulty trusting others
• Fear of rejection
• People-pleasing
• Perfectionism
• Body image concerns
• Sleep difficulties
• Panic symptoms
• Avoidance of school, work or social events
• Relationship difficulties later in life

For some people, social bullying becomes tied to deeper schemas. Someone who was repeatedly excluded might develop a social isolation schema, carrying the belief that they don’t belong anywhere. Someone who was humiliated or criticised may develop defectiveness schema, feeling there’s something fundamentally wrong with them. And someone who was targeted unpredictably may develop mistrust, expecting others to hurt, mock or betray them. These patterns aren’t signs of weakness; they’re often the mind’s attempt to make sense of painful experiences.

Social Bullying Can Shape Adult Relationships

The effects of social bullying don’t always disappear when the bullying stops. A person who was excluded as a child may grow into an adult who expects rejection. They may walk into social or professional settings already bracing for humiliation. They might avoid opportunities because visibility feels unsafe. They may struggle to believe people genuinely like them.

In relationships, this can create a painful push-pull. Some people become guarded and distant, keeping others at arm’s length so they can’t be hurt again. Others become overly accommodating, hoping that if they’re useful, easy-going or impressive enough, they won’t be rejected. Some constantly compare themselves to others, and some stay in unhealthy friendships or relationships because exclusion has taught them that any connection is better than none.

This is where therapy can be particularly helpful – it gives you space to separate what happened to you from who you are.

Online Bullying Can Intensify the Harm

Social bullying has become more complex because it doesn’t always stop when someone leaves the room. Online spaces can extend bullying into a person’s home, bedroom or phone. Exclusion can happen through group chats, comments, posts, photos, private messages or silence. A person may see others gathering without them, they may be mocked publicly or spoken about indirectly, or they might feel watched, compared or judged even when they’re alone.

This can make the nervous system feel like there’s no true escape.

For young people especially, online social bullying can be relentless. But adults aren’t immune either… workplace chats, professional networks, parenting groups and social media can all become places where exclusion and humiliation play out. The emotional result is often the same: a person feels unsafe, exposed and alone.

Why “Just Ignore It” Doesn’t Work

Being told to ignore social bullying can feel incredibly invalidating. Of course, not every unkind comment deserves a reaction, but when someone is repeatedly excluded, belittled or socially targeted, the nervous system responds. It’s not simply a matter of deciding not to care. The pain of rejection is real. The fear of being isolated is real. The shame that can follow humiliation is real.

Trying to ignore it without support may only push the distress underground. The person may appear to cope while becoming more anxious, withdrawn or self-critical. They may stop talking about what’s happening because they feel embarrassed or because they don’t believe anyone will understand. A more helpful response is to take the experience seriously, name what’s happening, and support the person to rebuild safety, self-worth and trust.

Here’s How Therapy Can Help

Therapy can help people make sense of the emotional impact of bullying without reducing them to what happened. At Your Psychologist in Melbourne, Franco Greco works with people who are dealing with long-standing patterns around shame, rejection, social isolation, anxiety, depression, perfectionism and relationship difficulties. As a Clinical and Counselling Psychologist and Internationally Accredited Schema Therapist, Franco understands that painful social experiences can leave deep emotional imprints.

Schema Therapy can be especially useful when bullying has shaped how someone sees themselves and others. It helps identify the beliefs that may have developed from repeated exclusion or humiliation, such as:

• “I don’t belong.”
• “There’s something wrong with me.”
• “People will turn on me.”
• “I have to be perfect to be accepted.”
• “My needs don’t matter.”

Once these beliefs are understood, therapy can begin to challenge and soften them. This work isn’t about pretending the bullying didn’t hurt; it’s about helping the person stop carrying the bully’s message as if it were the truth.

Therapy may also support emotional regulation, assertiveness, boundary-setting, self-compassion and safer relationship patterns. For some people, the work involves processing old memories. For others, it’s about learning how to participate in life again without constant fear of judgement or rejection.

Rebuilding Confidence After Social Bullying

Recovery from social bullying isn’t about becoming unaffected by other people. It’s about developing a stronger, steadier relationship with yourself – this may mean learning to recognise when shame has been triggered. It may mean noticing when you’re assuming rejection before it’s actually happened. It may mean choosing relationships that feel more respectful and mutual. It may mean allowing yourself to be seen again, gradually, without feeling like you have to perform perfectly to be accepted.

This can take time.

If social bullying has affected you for years, it makes sense that change won’t happen overnight. But with the right support, it’s possible to feel less defined by those experiences. It’s possible to build relationships that aren’t based on fear, vigilance or self-protection. You can feel more at home in yourself and more connected to others.

Speak with Franco Greco about bullying and mental health

Franco Greco at Your Psychologist offers therapy in Melbourne for adults and couples dealing with anxiety, depression, trauma, relationship issues, social isolation, defectiveness schema, mistrust, perfectionism and other long-standing emotional patterns.