Abandonment Schema Therapy in Elsternwick

Signs you may benefit from our abandonment treatment in Elsternwick

If you agree with five or more of the following statements, you may have abandonment schema:

●      I tend to cling to people if I think they are pulling away from me

●      I get really anxious if I don't know where my partner is or what they are doing

●      I tend to become quite obsessive in relationships

●      I am always looking for signs that my partner's feelings are changing

●      I get so anxious in relationships I tend to sabotage them early on or avoid them all together

●      I often find myself in relationships with people who can't be there for me in a committed way

●      The adults in my childhood were unpredictable - nice one minute, then abusive, cold or distant the next

●      I tend to keep my feelings and needs to myself - I worry that if I show my partner who I really am, they will leave me

●      I feel like it's only a matter of time before relationships end - people usually leave me

●      I find it difficult to focus on my own life when I am in a relationship

Abandonment schema is behind much of our anxieties in relationships. It is important to unlearn your abandonment schema in order to enjoy healthier relationships, and a better state of mind. 

Working with our abandonment psychologist at Elsternwick’s Your Psychologist 

Abandonment schema develops at a very young age, primarily if our caregivers are unpredictable in their love and attention. It can also develop if we were actually abandoned or separated from our caregivers for a prolonged period of time.

When this happens, we start to develop the belief that people will not be there for us consistently, and that they could leave us at any time. Because of this unpredictability, our brain’s flight or fight response is activated at the first sign of trouble with our partners. This is what we then experience as anxiety and insecurity.

The abandonment schema, like all schemas, is self-perpetuating. The very things we do to try to try and hold on to the relationship can bring about its end, strengthening the core beliefs that we will always be left or abandoned. Some people will avoid relationships completely or sabotage them early on because the anxiety that relationships generate is too much to handle.

People with abandonment schema can be more prone to experiencing anxiety, sadness and depression. Schemas can also make an individual more prone to addiction as a way to temporarily relieve our negative emotions.

To find relief from these oppressive feelings, seek out abandonment schema therapy at our Elsternwick clinic today.