Abandonment Schema Therapy in Elsternwick

Signs you may benefit from our abandonment treatment in Elsternwick

If you agree with five or more of the following statements, you may have abandonment schema:

●      I tend to cling to people if I think they are pulling away from me

●      I get really anxious if I don't know where my partner is or what they are doing

●      I tend to become quite obsessive in relationships

●      I am always looking for signs that my partner's feelings are changing

●      I get so anxious in relationships I tend to sabotage them early on or avoid them all together

●      I often find myself in relationships with people who can't be there for me in a committed way

●      The adults in my childhood were unpredictable - nice one minute, then abusive, cold or distant the next

●      I tend to keep my feelings and needs to myself - I worry that if I show my partner who I really am, they will leave me

●      I feel like it's only a matter of time before relationships end - people usually leave me

●      I find it difficult to focus on my own life when I am in a relationship

Abandonment schema is behind much of our anxieties in relationships. It is important to unlearn your abandonment schema in order to enjoy healthier relationships, and a better state of mind. 

Working with our abandonment psychologist at Elsternwick’s Your Psychologist 

Abandonment schema develops at a very young age, primarily if our caregivers are unpredictable in their love and attention. It can also develop if we were actually abandoned or separated from our caregivers for a prolonged period of time.

When this happens, we start to develop the belief that people will not be there for us consistently, and that they could leave us at any time. Because of this unpredictability, our brain’s flight or fight response is activated at the first sign of trouble with our partners. This is what we then experience as anxiety and insecurity.

The abandonment schema, like all schemas, is self-perpetuating. The very things we do to try to try and hold on to the relationship can bring about its end, strengthening the core beliefs that we will always be left or abandoned. Some people will avoid relationships completely or sabotage them early on because the anxiety that relationships generate is too much to handle.

People with abandonment schema can be more prone to experiencing anxiety, sadness and depression. Schemas can also make an individual more prone to addiction as a way to temporarily relieve our negative emotions.

To find relief from these oppressive feelings, seek out abandonment schema therapy at our Elsternwick clinic today. 

Some Frequently Asked Questions About Abandonment Schema Therapy

What actually is abandonment schema?

Abandonment schema refers to a deeply held belief that the important people in your life will eventually leave, withdraw, or stop caring. It often develops in childhood and can continue to shape adult relationships and emotional wellbeing. Many people with abandonment schema feel constantly on edge in relationships, worrying about losing love or closeness, even when nothing is “wrong”.

How does abandonment schema therapy help?

Therapy helps you understand where these fears came from and why they feel so powerful in the present. Through various Schema Therapy techniques, you’ll learn to challenge unhelpful beliefs, reduce anxiety in relationships, and build a stronger sense of emotional security. The goal isn’t to blame the past, but to help you feel safer, more grounded, and more confident in your connections with others.

Do I need therapy if I “just worry a lot” about relationships?

Many people dismiss their distress as simply being “needy” or “too anxious”. However, if your worries are affecting your wellbeing, your sense of self or the quality of your relationships, therapy can be very beneficial. You don’t need to reach a crisis point to seek support; early help can prevent patterns from becoming more entrenched.

What does abandonment schema therapy at Your Psychologist involve?

At our Elsternwick clinic, therapy is collaborative, compassionate, and paced safely. Sessions may explore your early experiences, current relationship patterns, emotional responses, and coping strategies. You will gradually learn healthier ways to respond to fears of abandonment, rather than being driven by panic, over-closeness, avoidance, or self-sabotage.

Is abandonment schema linked to anxiety or depression?

Yes, it often is. Living in a constant state of emotional uncertainty can be exhausting. People with abandonment schema may experience ongoing anxiety, sadness, low self-worth, loneliness, or difficulties regulating emotions. Therapy can help ease these symptoms by addressing the underlying schema rather than just the surface-level feelings.

Can abandonment schema affect friendships too, or only romantic relationships?

It can affect any close relationship – some people worry about friends drifting away, while others may feel extremely distressed if communication changes or someone seems emotionally distant. Abandonment schema can also influence family relationships and workplace connections.

What causes abandonment schema to develop?

It generally forms in childhood, often in response to experiences like unpredictable parenting, emotional neglect, inconsistent affection, separation from caregivers, or growing up in an unstable household. Sometimes there was no dramatic event – even smaller repeated experiences of emotional insecurity can shape the belief that others won’t stay.

How long does abandonment schema therapy take?

This varies from person to person. Because schemas are deeply rooted, meaningful change can take time – however, many people begin noticing shifts in understanding, emotional responses, and relationship behaviour as therapy progresses. Your psychologist will discuss goals, pace, and expectations with you along the way.


Is it too late to change these patterns as an adult?

Not at all – while schemas develop early, they are not fixed. With the right support, people can develop healthier emotional responses, greater self-trust, and more stable, fulfilling relationships. Many adults experience profound positive changes through Schema Therapy.