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Why Do We Resist Therapy - It Is Not Just About The Client
Franco Greco • Jul 01, 2020
If a client is resisting therapy ... the therapist needs to reflect ... how am I contributing to this outcome?
Why Do Clients Resist Therapy?
Therapy can be hard. It is hard because, clients recognise that change is difficult, that we resist knowing things about ourselves; and as much as we want to change our lives, we may also find change frightening and anxiety-provoking.
Recognising these complicated and often unwelcome truths is crucial to effective therapeutic work of all kinds.’
In an article, 15 Ways You Are Resisting Therapy or Recovery by Támara Hill - a psychologist - outlines that the ways some clients may be resisting therapy.
I have listed a few I see in my own practice. If you have been to therapy and not found it useful ... do any of the following resonate with you?
Clients intellectualise sessions:
Intellectualising sessions and staying “in your head” is sometimes a way to avoid uncomfortable emotions or thoughts, and change. It is so much easier to think things through and try to make logical sense out of them than to explore emotions, admit hurt feelings, and accept emotions. In the long-term, therapy will fail because therapy is not all about grand ideas and/or blocking emotions.
Clients who refuse to explore their emotions and thoughts:
As stated above, therapy is supposed to focus on both thoughts and emotions and being able to accept or work through what is occurring in your life. If you stay “in your head” each and every session, you can guarantee you will remain in the same place until you are ready to take a leap of faith. It is very hard but worth it in the end.
Sessions are different: Some clients will distract and try to draw attention away from the main issue by coming to therapy each week with a different problem or a new subject. It is okay to spend a few minutes talking about a new problem or concern you may have. But if the entire session is focused on a new problem or concern, week after week, you may be resisting something.
Clients rely on your therapist a lot: Therapists can be great support, especially when life makes us feel alone, afraid, or uncertain. For many clients, primarily adults, their therapist can be similar to a friend, a family member, or a mentor. The therapist-client relationship can develop in such a way that bonding may occur. But if you are relying wholeheartedly on your therapist for emotional support, there may be a deeper issue occurring. Some examples include: transference/counter-transference, fear of becoming more independent, fear or uncertainty, attraction, etc.
Clients who cancel sessions, reschedule, or stall:
Cancelling sessions, rescheduling, playing phone tag, stalling or showing up late to sessions can all be signs of resistance. If these things happen on a frequent basis, a therapist cannot support a client in moving forward. In fact, this is often a recipe for a therapist to terminate therapy or refer a client to another therapist, especially if these behaviors are chronic.
Clients blame or distract:
Some clients blame everyone else but themselves and get “stuck” in a victim’s mindset. Sadly, these clients are often afraid of acknowledging weaknesses in themselves. A narcissistic personality may have a great deal of trouble taking responsibility for anything he/she may have done. A therapist who points this out or holds a client accountable may begin to see resistance. Resistance may include blaming the therapist or others, getting stuck in the victim role, accusing others, or refusing to look at the truth.
Exploring Client (and Your) Resistance Is Effective Therapy
If a client is resisting therapy ... the therapist needs to see therapy as a relationship ... and they may be contributing to it.
When I see resistance from a client, I need to reflect on what I am doing as a therapist - or sometimes not doing.
Undertaking regular supervision with Associate Professor Steven Theiler and Dr Rob Brockman is important to reflect on your practice.
I have also developed a checklist to help reflect on my practice. Other therapists and indeed clients could use this checklist to assess therapy resistance as well).
The checklist includes the following questions:
- Have I developed rapport with the client?
- Am I imposing my own agenda onto client?
- Am I being too inflexible?
- Am I not raising this resistance as an issue?
- Have I not explored their fears and early life “core beliefs or schemas” or experiences?
- Am I not being engaged with the client because I am creating distance. Is this countertransference - occurs when a therapist transfers emotions to a person in therapy.
As a psychologist, my approach focuses on working with clients to get to the root cause of the issue/s that they are confronted with.
We take it for granted - that clients come to see a psychologist with problems that stem from deep seated issues:
- traumatic experiences that result in emotional and physical symptoms;
- early child attachment that negatively impact on the way we relate to others;
- difficult, ambivalent feelings about our parents and so on.
All forms of psychotherapy take these and many other ideas – including the basic idea that mental distress can be helped by talking! – as given.’
It is important for psychologists to understand the genesis of a client's issues of resistance. It also requires psychologists to look deep in themselves as well ... to how they might be contributing to the issues of resistance.
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