Often feeling angry and frustrated at work … how emotionally agile are you?

Do you repress your emotions or ruminate on them?

If you answered yes to all these questions - you may need to work on your emotional agility.

According to Harvard Medical School psychologist Dr Susan David - and author of Emotional Agility – repressing or ruminating on your emotions could be dangerous for your career:

“ … emotions are data not directives … we shouldn't let them boss us around …:

In Emotional Agility, Dr. David, leverages from ACT, citing four key concepts that can help you become more emotionally agile: showing up, stepping out, walking your why, and moving on. 

These concepts emphasize the need to create emotional strength and adaptiveness to change and creating psychological flexibility. 

Do you allow your emotions to govern your behavior, either by trying to suppress them or obsessing on them too much? If so, you will probably benefit from “showing up” to your emotions and listening to what they’re trying to tell you, without the guilt, shame that makes you question whether you should or shouldn’t be experiencing them.

For example, if you’re unhappy in your role but continue to tell yourself “I should be happy because at least I’ve got a job”, you’re not doing your emotional health any favours. Rather, by not trying to wrestle yourself out of the emotion and connecting with what is really causing the feelings of frustration and disaffection under the surface, you will be able make effective changes in your life much earlier and with much more clarity. 

Remember, acceptance is a prerequisite for any type of change.

Once you’ve opened up to your feelings, the next step is to incorporate a mindfulness practice to help you see them for what they are—just emotions. This is about creating a gap between the situation and your response.

For example, if you’re on the phone to your energy company, growing more and more angry by the minute because they’re got your bill wrong yet again, try to take a moment to step outside the situation and realise, “this impulsive response isn’t going to get me anywhere”.

Having the ability to pause after acknowledging an emotion can be incredibly powerful. It can also create space for you to think, “Who do I really want to be in this situation?”

When you're mindful of your anger, you can observe it with greater sensitivity, focus and emotional clarity, perhaps discovering where the anger is actually coming from. You might even discover that your "anger" is really sadness or fear.

This is about living by your own personal set of values – the beliefs and behaviours that give your life meaning and satisfaction – rather than those imposed by others, or the things that you think you should care about.

This is not always easy. Often when we are faced with difficult situations that make us feel uncomfortable, our natural impulse is to say to ourselves “I just need to get rid of the fear”. However, this way of thinking may not help you accomplish those things in life that you'd really like to.

To make decisions that match up with the way you hope to live, you need to feel the fear and make a choice to move towards your values, even in the face of discomfort. It might be that you feel really fearful about taking a new path in your career, or about having a difficult conversation with your partner that you know you need to have for the sake of your relationship. However, if that career change or that conversation is connected with something that you truly value, then you’ve found your “why”.

Once you’ve established your values and learned to take a step back from your emotions, you’re well on the path to being more emotionally agile – but don’t stop there. Now is the time to cultivate a habit, so that you’re freed up from purposefully thinking about these new behaviours every day. 

For example, if you come home from work every day and automatically spend that time on your phone, without engaging with your children, that might be a habit that you’ve gotten into that’s disconnected with the way that you actually want to parent.

In these types of situations, try a technique called ‘piggy-backing’. That is when you choose a new specific action to piggyback onto an existing habit. It could be as simple as adding some fruit to your morning cereal to help form healthier eating habits.

  

These small, deliberate tweaks to your mindset, motivation, and self-talk – in ways that are infused with your values – can make a powerful difference in your life. These shifts in your attitude are perfect for setting goals and giving you that extra boost to accomplish them.

Emotional agility is one tool to facilitate a healthy transition from one state to the next.

What if changes were not terrifying, but rather, a time to practice our emotional agility and receive the support we need? How do you practice emotional agility? Interested in your comments.